Sleep. It's possibly my favorite 5 letter word in the whole English language.
Today, I had no set plans. I didn't plan on leaving the house. I didn't have anywhere I had to be. So I was looking forward to FINALLY getting this IRB application of mine filled out.
Unfortunately, my body had other plans. By the time it was 3:30pm, I had already taken two 3 hour naps. I didn't want to take the naps necessarily; I was tired and knew that to try to stay awake would be a wasted effort. So needless to say, the IRB application did not get filled out.
I've struggled with low energy for well over a decade. I've had all kinds of tests done; I even had a sleep study done when I was around 20 (turned out I had sleep apnea; sometimes I wonder if I still do). Yet nothing gives me or anyone else an Aha! moment where we can point to that and say, "THAT'S why you have low energy a lot of the time." So when I don't know why I have low energy, it's very easy for me to blame myself for it. "If only I tried harder. If only I fell asleep more easily." And on and on and on.
Today, after my 2nd nap, I decided to try NOT judging myself for my sleepiness. "Did I choose to be tired? No. Did I choose to take naps? Yes, but that's because I was tired."
I feel like I'm FINALLY ready to stop judging myself so much. I judge myself for everything. You know, I don't even know if I know why I do it. It's just such a habit that I stopped questioning it. Until now. :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment