I don't even know where to start with this entry.
The clarinet and I go way back. We had some good times in middle school. High school started off well. But then as high school went on, the clarinet and I had some bad times together. You wouldn't think we would be enemies, but we were. When I say that I was one of the best clarinet players in the state when I was in high school . . . I'm not exaggerating. Sophomore year, I made it to All State, an event held in Savannah for the best musicians in the state. I went and had fun. Junior year, I made it to All State again. But this time, I didn't go.
You see, by this point, I started to see the clarinet as the enemy. Every time I would play it, I would only hear my imperfections. It began to symbolize everything that I hated about myself. So by the end of my junior year of high school, I quit playing. I, one of the best players in the state, had had enough of good ole' Clarie.
Fast forward to now--12 years since I graduated high school. And I've played the clarinet, on average, about 5 times a year. And that's being generous. See, whenever I would play the clarinet, it would only bring up bad memories from high school. Add to that several years of living in an apartment, and you've got an unplayed clarinet.
Well, I decided to unpack Clarie yesterday and put him together and play him. And you know what? It felt good. It felt good to play my clarinet again. Sure my air flow has SIGNIFICANTLY decreased from back in the days when I would play for several hours a day. But that's to be expected when you consider how very little I've played over the last 12 years. And my facial muscles hurt, too. And I could seriously not play for very long before being out of breath. But you know what? It still felt good to play.
I want to play more often. I want to play more regularly. I just can't get past my fear of other people hearing me play. I seriously can't explain it. I only like to play when there's no one else around to hear me. And I honestly don't know how to get past that fear. But for now, I'm going to play and enjoy it while I know that there is no one else around.
I used to play the clarinet, too, but was never very good. I had a blast in band in high school, but dropped out my senior year to focus on singing. I was in the Regional Chorus my junior year and All State my senior year. And then I quit singing. I miss having 2+ hrs of music in my life every single day like I had in high school. I've only recently gotten back into singing at all, so go us! (My clarinet was a loaner from my aunt and was long ago sold in a garage sale. I sometimes think about getting one, but I doubt I would play it. Next instrument for me - a harmonium!)
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