Day 241: Hiking Kennesaw Mountain

I had decided to go hiking today at Kennesaw Mountain.  At 5pm.  In metro Atlanta.  In the sun.  To say I was worried would be quite accurate.  Add that to the fact that it was kind of considered to be a date.  What if it's too hot and I feel like I'm going to pass out?  What if I'm super sweaty and I smell bad?  Those were pretty much my main concerns:  Heat and sweat.

Result:  So it was definitely not a 1 hour or 1.5 hour long hike.  It was a freakin' 7.25 mile hike!  Up a mountain and a hill and who knows what else.  Long story short:  I was sweaty but not super hot.  I definitely struggled through it.  But I did it :-)  And I'm doing it again on Thursday :-)  I even bought a hydration pack backpack last night so that I can have water with me and not have to carry it.  Go me!

Day 240: You Mean I Actually DO Have Things I Have to Get Done This Semester??

(Seriously, lady??)

So.  The place I'm doing my Field Practicum this semester--one of the things I have to do is some online computer training--5 courses' worth.  For all I know, they will take either 10 minutes or 10 hours.  I have no clue.

I VERY EASILY could have been done with them by now.  The goal/semi-deadline is to have them done by Labor Day.  I am pretty much completely booked with appointments and classes and stuff (Dragon*Con!) through Labor Day.  I had PLENTY of time to get this done today.  Instead, I took a 4 hour nap.  (I think I made the right decision.) 

So, yeah.  I can't say I'm necessarily proud of myself for not even starting this training.  But at the same time, I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  It is what it is, and I know that I will get it done by Labor Day.  (Okay, the day after Labor Day at the latest.)  Why stress out about something that I know I will get done eventually anyways? :-)

Day 239: A(nother) First Date

Today I went on my second first date of the week (I know, I'm ballin').  I went already knowing that I was not attracted to this guy.  But . . . I went just in case.  Ya never know.

Result:  He wants to go out again.  I don't.  #firstworldproblems

I have no idea what to do lol.  He texted me literally 25 minutes after the date ended, saying we need to see a movie some time after Labor Day weekend (I will be at Dragon*Con all weekend).  I didn't reply.  I don't know what to say . . . . I'm not interested?  Argh.

Day 238: Productivity? What's That??

This picture sums up the first half of my day perfectly.  I woke up at 530am and couldn't fall asleep, so I worked on stuff for my student group until 8am.  Then I went back to sleep.  Then I woke up and watched an episode of Star Trek.  Then I went back to sleep.  Then I woke up at 4pm, got ready, and headed out for a second date (which went very well, by the way :-)  ). 

SO, yeah, I got very little done today.  And I'm okay with that.  Like I've said before, I'm really good at putting sleep above absolutely everything else.  And yes, my room is a mess, and yes, I haven't started online training for Devereux, and yes, I haven't written another blog post for CFI.  But hey--I've learned that beating myself up about these sorts of things is just not effective. 

So yay to me for not beating myself up as much as I used to :-)  Thanks fail blog!!

Day 237: A Missed Meeting

Today was the first meeting of the semester with one of my former professors for student research work.  He does a TON of research, so he has research assistants who work with him either for directed study or just for the experience.  I'm already doing research with a professor, so research with him would just be for experience. 

I was feeling like absolute crap today.  My sleep schedule is really messed up from taking 8am classes.  Going from waking up at 10am over the summer to 630am now--my body is very confused right now.

So ultimately, I decided to skip the meeting so that I could at least attempt to get more sleep.  I sent him an email saying I didn't feel well and wouldn't be able to make the meeting, and would it be possible for me to stop by his office and learn the ropes on research. 

He emailed me back and said yes, absolutely.  So I will be stopping by his office soon for learning about assisting him with research.  I was very proud of myself for not going and for taking care of myself :-)  If there's one thing I'm good at, it's putting myself first over commitments.  

Day 236: A First Date

Today, I had a first date.  I went with absolutely no expectations.  I find that that is the best approach for me--that way, if it goes well, great.  If it doesn't, nothing lost or gained. 

We met at a nearby (to me) coffee shop.  Long story short, it went very well :-)  By far the best first date ever!  In this case, not failing = a VERY good thing.

Day 235: Am I FINALLY Growing Emotionally?? No Way....

You know, for once, this is something I'm actually REALLY GLAD that I failed at.  Words cannot even describe HOW PROUD I am of myself.  Seriously :-)

Long story short . . . . Today marked the literal and final end of the possibility of a potential relationship with someone.  Normally, I literally crumble when this sort of thing happens.  My journal entries for the last 3 years mainly consist of me trying not to self-destruct when a relationship ends or when I'm feeling insecure in a relationship.  I knew that this was coming today.  I cried a lot the night before (from anticipating what was to come), and I cried during our phone conversation.  And I cried for 5 minutes afterwards.

And then . . . I was fine.  I went back to doing my schoolwork.  (Normally I would have gone to sleep to avoid the strong current of negative feelings.)  Later, I went and hung out with a couple of friends.  And . . . I felt really good about the whole thing.  I felt really proud of myself for initiating what was to come and what was best FOR ME.  And now, 16-ish hours later . . . I'm good :-)  And I realize that all is not lost, and I deserve the best.

Words cannot explain how proud I am of myself for this.  FINALLY it feels like the work I've done on myself for the last 3 years is FINALLY paying off.  It's just amazing--when you really, REALLY work on your emotional issues, and you don't give up, and you keep moving forward--it really DOES eventually kick in.  Without any effort on your part at that moment.

Last night, while watching America's Got Talent (random, I know), I realized just how much I've been selling myself short for so many years.  And I realized that I'm kind of fucking brilliant.  I'm good at a lot of stuff, and I kinda really believe that I can do whatever the hell I want to do.  And I'm not saying this from a personal development/positive affirmation/believe in yourself kind of bullshit perspective.  I REALLY realize now that . . . I'm kind of fucking awesome.  And for once, I really do mean it. :-)