Day 163: A First Date

Today I went on a first date with someone I met online recently.  I wasn't too nervous or worried because we had already been talking for several days before we met in person.  We met for dinner, and after dinner, the question was, "What to do next?"

There were several ways I could have failed and made a bad decision and had things take a wicked bad turn.  I could have gone to his house and he could have done something really bad to me.  Okay so that was the main worry on my mind lol. 

But I decided to go back to his house because I knew that this guy was way too nervous to try anything to harm me or make a move lol. 

Long long story short, things went well, and I made the right decision :-)  So taking a chance and risking a big fail paid off, because the evening couldn't have gone any better :-)

Day 162: I finally understand...

My entire life, I have always told myself (and other people) that I don't know the difference between a feeling that is coming from my gut and a feeling that is coming from fear.  That is a constant excuse that I use for my inability oftentimes to make a decision.  And I'm not using it as an excuse.  I seriously (usually) do not know if my thought is coming from fear or from my gut.

Finally, I have begun to realize that I AM capable of understanding the difference.  You see, my homonculus every now and then will give me a rather big tap on the shoulder and say, "Gina, you shouldn't do (fill in the blank)."  And seriously, every time I tell him to shut up, I should have listened to him.

What the hell am I talking about?  Well, I recently had rejoined some online dating sites.  I got a message from a guy saying "You're sexy.  What's up?"  Normally I would NEVER EVER reply to such a stupid and short and shallow message.  But the guy looked cute, and I figured, why not?  (Note to self:  advice from a friend is not always good advice.) 

Long story short, the guy turned out to obviously be a jerk.  We never met or anything like that, but it turned out to be a huge waste of time.

On a similar note, something happened recently where my homonculus was like, "You know that person you want to be friends with again possibly?  Yeah, you know that's a bad idea."  But again, I listened to my friend and decided why not and met the person for a meal.  Needless to say we're not friends anymore lol.

These events have helped me to realize that I'm not as incapable at knowing the difference between fear and the right action as I thought :-)

Day 159: My Gargantuan Fear of a Stupid Resume'

I still have not updated or sent out my resume' yet.  And I totally know that I am being ridiculous.  But I want to volunteer/intern at Ridgeview Institute SO badly that I am afraid that if I turn in my resume', and they say no, then I will feel my dream being crushed and it will be difficult not to feel hopeless or depressed after that.

I know that obviously they won't say yes if I don't turn in my resume' to them, but I really don't want to intern anywhere else.  And if they say no, I don't know what I will do. 

I read this book today because the author is a pro at helping people make career/vocation decisions and with updating resume's and such.  He has some really good templates for cover letters and resume's and such.  So I am definitely going to use this book to help me.  But honestly, reading it was another way for me to keep delaying updating my resume'.

Day 161: Google Guitar

As most people know, google "made" a computer guitar that you could do whatever with for a couple of days.  I'm a musical genius (hey, I can dream lol), so I was determined to figure out how to play this thing in a way that would be cool and awesome.

Result:  I figured out how to play the thing.  And I did make an awesome little diddly musical thing.  At least, I think it's awesome, and that's what really matters :-)  I recorded it and posted it on facebook.  I don't know how to get the link for it from that, soooo you will just have to take my word for it.  But I tell ya, I failed many many times trying to get this thing perfected.  And it was a good workout for my fingers too :-)

Day 160: A Dinner "Date"

So.  Today I had dinner with someone I dated back in September.  It's possible that this person will read this entry, but I don't care, it's my blog lol.  Things did not end well back when we dated, so I didn't talk to this guy for months until recently.  He asked if I would go out to dinner with him, so I said fine.

I was worried:  What if he wants to get back together with me?  What if he tries to hold my hand or even kiss me?  But I bit the bullet and went so that, if I needed to, I could let him know that I was not interested in dating him, neither now nor ever in the future.

Result:  The dinner went okay.  It didn't go good, and it didn't go bad, it went okay.  And that was just fine with me.  

Day 158: Pasta

I.  HATE.  TO.  COOK.  I know I say this all of the time, but I really really do hate to cook.  I would rather be doing anything else because for me, cooking is the least productive thing ever.  Then again, I have always had a negative relationship with food, so the less time I can spend around food, the better. 

Anyways, I got home late tonight from a meeting, and I was hungry.  I had gotten some pasta in a bag things from my school for free.  All I had to do was boil some water, put the pasta in the water, and let it sit for 3 minutes.  I took a can of tomato sauce and heated that up.  This took let's say about 15 minutes.  Not a lot of time technically, but when I'm hungry, I just want to get eating over with. 

So the point of this story is that I actually LIKED what I "cooked."  I was not expecting much.  And I know that this is not really a fail.  But I know it's really sad when you're proud of yourself for making some pasta that only takes 3 minutes to cook in boiling water!!! 

I am (almost) determined to have a better relationship with food as my goal for next year.  But I still have 6 months to decide about that.

Day 157: A New Book Club

I LOVE book clubs.  I love to read, and I love to be around other people who also like to read. So I joined a new book club.  So what could possibly be the problem?

It's amazing the things this little head of mine can think of and come up with.  What if I don't have fun?  What if I don't like the restaurant?  What if there's a ton of people and so then I feel overwhelmed and don't say anything?  It's at 6pm, so what if traffic really sucks and I get stuck in rush hour and I am really cranky when I get there?  Hey, I'm not proud of the thoughts I think, but at least I admit them lol.

So I went to the book club.  And you know what?  I had fun.  I mean, I do this to myself ALL OF THE TIME.  I even do it when it comes to trivia with friends.  I KNOW I will have fun, but I still always worry that maybe I won't.

So yeah, I am glad that I went.  And I liked the book too, which is always a plus :-)